Unmasking at 43: Who Am I Without the Performance?

For most of my life, I’ve been a chameleon.

I’ve adapted, shape-shifted, mirrored the people around me. I changed how I spoke, moved, even thought—just to fit in. I didn’t do it consciously at first. It became survival. It became habit. It became… me.

Or at least, I thought it did.

The truth is, I’ve spent years performing. Masking. Trying to be the version of myself that would make others feel comfortable, happy, at ease. I became an expert at reading the room—and losing myself in the process.

Unmasking has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Because now, I have to ask myself questions that sound simple, but feel impossible:

Is this really me?

Or am I still performing?

Most of the time, I don’t know the answer.

I’ve been so used to adjusting who I am to match my surroundings that I genuinely don’t know what it means to just… be—without overthinking it, without editing myself in real-time, without anticipating what version of me is most acceptable in that moment.

And here I am at 43, just starting to figure it out.

Who I am.

What I like.

What feels good because it’s true, not because it’s expected.

It’s overwhelming. It’s liberating. It’s confusing. And it’s lonely sometimes, too.

If you’re on this same journey—if you’ve spent your life masking, performing, adapting—and you’re now slowly peeling all that back, I’d love to hear from you.

Have you found ways to reconnect with your real self?

What helps you notice when you’re masking again?

What’s working for you as you unlearn all the patterns that used to keep you safe?

Drop your thoughts in the comments or get in contact with me.

I don’t have all the answers—but maybe we can figure it out together.